The Seeking

Hey, pal. So here I am. I’m 23 years and 11 months and 7 days old. Or you could say I’m 23 days to 24 years old. It’s really the same thing abstractly, but the plate in which it’s served really changes a lot. I’m gonna say I’m almost one third into my years yet I have only recently realized I’ve been oblivious almost all … Continue reading The Seeking

Approval.

Does a child ever stop needing his parents’ approval? Do you ever get to a point where your parents opinion on you and your choices are only their own? Or is it not the case, even though you’re all grown up and independent? Let’s open up a bit. Sometimes when my mother looks at me it feels like she’s telling herself how wrong I’ve grown … Continue reading Approval.

Monologue

Aya… What? You’re sad. What’s wrong? I’m sad. I don’t know what’s wrong. Not a clue? I’m just sad. I’m just sad. … I feel void. I feel void. I feel empty and worthless. Did anyone say that? I said it. I’m saying it. I feel void of sense and void of meaning. I keep looking for the point of everything. I don’t see the … Continue reading Monologue

It felt so good…

Yesterday I realized how much I miss playing football. It seems I have forgotten how good it used to feel. Let me write it down as best I could, so that maybe it would stay here to remind me were I to forget again. It felt like power; like you could just launch into outer space and nothing could stop you. It was so old … Continue reading It felt so good…

Sadness and Love

I have come to believe deeply, with each passing day, that sadness and love are synonyms. Those who have been lucky enough to love deeply know all too well the point I’m trying to make. There’s a kind of sadness so profound and thick it almost blocks your lungs. A sadness that is a mixture of yearning, longing, nostalgia, alienation, and weakness. A feeling so … Continue reading Sadness and Love

A volcano not so extinct..

My mother and I, we have this mutual view of one another.. Last time we argued, she said, “You have to realize that I am your mother, not the other way around”. That sounded ridiculous to me then. Looking back now, maybe she had a point. It’s not that I don’t see her as my mother. I realize she’s my mother, but it’s been a … Continue reading A volcano not so extinct..

Tongue Tied.

I am extremely reluctant to expressing my feelings to other people. In my mind, my delusional mind, I’m this supportive person who wouldn’t think twice about offering emotional support to who ever needs it. Not only in my mind, also on paper, and blogs, and text messages, and Facebook posts, and tweets, and -rarely- on the phone. That’s as far as it gets. In person … Continue reading Tongue Tied.

I am free, therefore I am responsible.

Dear nothing, dear everything, I have come to the most troubling realization about myself. In a way, it has given me great comfort. All along I believed that I was. All along I believed that there was something in me that made me me; something that has always been there and always will be, something that makes me different from you or anyone else, some … Continue reading I am free, therefore I am responsible.

Green-Eyed Lad..

Night, I’ve been STRUGGLING to write anything here. Whenever it comes to my mind that someone, anyone, is going to read this, my mind refuses to work and the river ceases to flow. So maybe I -and you, maybe- are going to have to wait for the flood, every time. How can empty spaces hurt? Is not emptiness nothing? How can you be hurt by … Continue reading Green-Eyed Lad..

Good, good morning..

Beginnings are weird. There’s something of great significance in all beginnings; beginnings of days, of lives, and of anything in between. Before graduating my life had been a series of beginnings. There was always a beginning to look forward to. There was always a strong reason – small, but strong- to wake up in the morning and face the day; weather it was a 5-minute … Continue reading Good, good morning..