I hit rock bottom today. I cranked up the volume and almost broke the keys on my keyboard. I was afraid the neighbors were going to complain about the noise. I left the window open and filled the air with over-driven music that still failed to drown out my thoughts. The louder I played the clearer I heard myself spew venom at the walls of … Continue reading The Weight of the Void
I’m so going to regret this… I can’t sleep. Also I feel my heart beating in my head. And I have a splitting headache. There’s no use running away from any of this. There’s no point in pretending nothing’s wrong. But where do I even begin? I’m such a mess. I’m a walking talking mess. I’m a girl but I dress like boys. My mother … Continue reading Tug of War.
Hey, pal. So here I am. I’m 23 years and 11 months and 7 days old. Or you could say I’m 23 days to 24 years old. It’s really the same thing abstractly, but the plate in which it’s served really changes a lot. I’m gonna say I’m almost one third into my years yet I have only recently realized I’ve been oblivious almost all … Continue reading The Seeking
Does a child ever stop needing his parents’ approval? Do you ever get to a point where your parents opinion on you and your choices are only their own? Or is it not the case, even though you’re all grown up and independent? Let’s open up a bit. Sometimes when my mother looks at me it feels like she’s telling herself how wrong I’ve grown … Continue reading Approval.
Aya… What? You’re sad. What’s wrong? I’m sad. I don’t know what’s wrong. Not a clue? I’m just sad. I’m just sad. … I feel void. I feel void. I feel empty and worthless. Did anyone say that? I said it. I’m saying it. I feel void of sense and void of meaning. I keep looking for the point of everything. I don’t see the … Continue reading Monologue
I have come to believe deeply, with each passing day, that sadness and love are synonyms. Those who have been lucky enough to love deeply know all too well the point I’m trying to make. There’s a kind of sadness so profound and thick it almost blocks your lungs. A sadness that is a mixture of yearning, longing, nostalgia, alienation, and weakness. A feeling so … Continue reading Sadness and Love
Dear nothing, dear everything, I have come to the most troubling realization about myself. In a way, it has given me great comfort. All along I believed that I was. All along I believed that there was something in me that made me me; something that has always been there and always will be, something that makes me different from you or anyone else, some … Continue reading I am free, therefore I am responsible.
Night, I’ve been STRUGGLING to write anything here. Whenever it comes to my mind that someone, anyone, is going to read this, my mind refuses to work and the river ceases to flow. So maybe I -and you, maybe- are going to have to wait for the flood, every time. How can empty spaces hurt? Is not emptiness nothing? How can you be hurt by … Continue reading Green-Eyed Lad..
This is my very first blog! Let’s hope this thing turns into something worthwhile. But why do I want a blog? Why is it important that one’s writing is shared? or why is it important that one writes to begin with? I, for one, am fond of the process of getting to know myself, and through writing, I hear myself say things that are new … Continue reading Hello, fellow beings!