Self-loathing at its finest.

I

am

so pissed-off at myself right now.

I would seriously punch myself in the face and break my own jaw were it not for this hideous feeling I feel inside that kinda works just fine also. Like if my soul had a jaw it would have already broken it by now and still didn’t feel any better.

DAMN THIS.

Is everyone someone? Must everyone be someone? Can we just be normal people who wake up everyday and go about their lives contently and sleep soundly at night waiting for the next day?

I DON’T WANT TO BE ANYTHING ANYMORE. I JUST WANT TO BE HAPPY.

I don’t want to have my own business. I can hardly wake up in the morning without thinking it over for like 40 extra minutes. I don’t want to make a difference. I don’t want to be remembered. I don’t want to leave a mark. I don’t want to be missed. Let alone dragging someone else along with me into this dungeon. Hell no.

You hypocrite. You sneaky little coward. I can’t even look at you. You’re so fake and you disgust me. Honestly, you’re pathetic. How do even have friends? Wait, do you even have friends? Like how many? Three? Two? One? None? I’ll tell you, you have NO friends because those “friends” you think you have aren’t really YOUR friends. They’re friends of the person you made them think you are. The ANGEL you PRETEND to be. Damn. You’re sick. You’re so messed up you should stay away from all life forms. You’re a hazard to those you deceive. You’re also selfish. Add proud and arrogant to that and for no reason whatsoever.

Go find yourself a punching bag and you’ll be fine. Or just leave. Leave, Aya. Leave like you should have done so long ago. Leave. Just leave. Go figure your twisted self up before you interact with other human beings. Pray to God it wouldn’t be too late by then and that you’ll still find them there. Pray to God you’ll be spared the regret and the bitterness you’re destined to carry around FOR THE REST OF YOUR MISERABLE LIFE.

Honestly, just cease to exist.

To anyone reading this, you’re a beautiful person. You’re awesome. Don’t let my rants affect you in any way, please.

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